Happy Birthday to me...

Another year has come and gone..

Last year at this time I was coming off a huge personal high of having finished Escape from Alcatraz and USAT Nationals.. I still consider myself lucky to have done both inside of a month.

Leading up to those events I'd taken a long road trip with my then girlfriend. We went wherever we felt like it in California over basically most of May. I will never forget it. We went to Yosemite, SF, San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles then back up the coast to SLO again, to Big Sur, Carmel, SF and then back to Seattle.

On the way back she suggested we stop in through Tahoe, we had time so why not?

I was anxious to get back to continue pursuing job stuff and regret it..

How many times can you travel carefree in your lifetime?

I just thought we would get back there and see, do and experience everything we'd meant to but neglected to.

I think the road trip was a microcosm for life, mine anyway. Incredible highs followed by (or tempered by) lows.

On the trip we had stunning 6hr hike in Yosemite, and then hung out in the tent later that night scared and certain bears were circling our tent and figured for sure we'd be eaten alive.

Then we were at Wildflower Triathlon at Lake San Antonio, just as spectators.. Soaking it all in. We both rode the bike course, hard. I don't think either one of us wore sunscreen. Then, later that night when everyone else guzzled beer to celebrate their race (or drown their sorrows) we were in a bad place.

The sunburn was so extreme that I had shivers and cold sweats... It took another week before I could get through a day without alot of pain. I think the same could be said for my ex-gf. She was a trooper, didn't complain as much as me at all.

So, what about a year ago today? I can honestly say it was the worst birthday I've ever had, or that I could remember.

Alot of it has to do with me. I'm to blame mostly. Instead of pointing fingers and engaging in TMI, basically I set myself up for it. I had this idea of how things would be, simple and to my liking.

All I wanted to do was to ride Lake Stevens 70.3 bike course that morning (it was the morning of the race, sorry).. An alarm wasn't set and I had no desire to drive up there (it's a stretch) and ride late.

Needless to say that didn't go over well.. And the rest of the activities for the day, etc. just didn't happen.

That utter disappointment and anger brewed in my heart the rest of the summer.

So, how is it my fault? Well, at issue are my expectations around validation and redemption from my partners. The standards are too high I reckon.

I once decided after my divorce eons ago that if you can remove any expectations from people you will always be pleasantly surprised.

Somewhere along the line I'd forgotten my credo to simply leave hope on the ground and just take what you get. Rely only on yourself for consistency because getting from anybody else is involves pretty cruddy odds.

That is the gift that I'm giving to myself today:

A reminder that hope is for fools. The only support you'll get is from your own steely innards and when all looks like utter sh*t, to look inside yourself and ask, "Is it time to harden the f*ck up?"..

And, of course, the answer is always, "Yes it is Joe Tysoe. Get you ass in gear, and get this nailed."